It’s not straightforward. It’s never straightforward. And nothing can actually help you forget the circumstance. But there are a couple of little tricks which may somehow soothe you or cause you to find a little excess strength and there are various other things you ought to attempt to avoid in order to not feel much worse.
Allow me to attempt to summarize a few tips for you. Bear in mind, this isn’t about your ill loved ones today, but about you…
Think two or three positive ideas or remember two happy or even better, humorous memories and keep them prepared to tell your loved one if the second arises. You need to think of these when you are lonely because life will get busy or overwhelming when near a sick person. Catch the opportunities to give them small gifts of happiness through the day. Have some tales, anecdotes or memories prepared at all times. Prepare yourself to induce a change of subject from the conversation when you believe you and the individual are moving in circles around the same old topics.
Whenever you are with your loved ones, focus all of your attention on them and try to not consider your pain. It can never fit theirs. And do not let emotional digressions distract you from the real chore that’s keeping yourself strong enough to help the person you love. It’s actually an unavoidable question. However, it is a question with no answer and searching for one obsessively won’t solve the issue and will subtract from the energy reserves. When that question (or similar ones) pop into your mind, look at it squarely for a few moments and then let your ideas let it leave you alone. Turn your focus to more profitable endeavors. Do not sit around letting questions strike you. Do not stay in bed if you are alert doing nothing; grab a book or get up to bake some cookies. Among my favorites is writing something for my loved ones when my mind does not appear to get any peace. The mere act of sitting in the computer or holding the pencil in my hand helps me concentrate and fight negative thoughts. Reading soothes my thoughts so much! It helps me run away from my reality for a little while, and it has been shown to be a terrific way to decrease stress. But whatever you read should be of interest to you. Don’t attempt to take any book laying around on your home. Choose something which has meaning and you really need to know about.
Meet up with friends who will support you too. Find minutes to vent your anger and despair from your ill loved one but encouraged by friends or others who care for you. Let’s share your pain and comfort you, also. Do not play hero all day long; it is exhausting and you will need to save your energy up.
If not with friends, try to vent your anger and distress by running, exercising, walking or practicing any game you prefer or participating in any manual action of your choice. It is OK to feel angry and frustrated, it is only natural. And crying is also excellent. But no matter what you do, do not allow the anger and frustration collect inside you. Those two are extremely destructive forces which is only going to result in more sadness. Feel them, confront them and understand that what you’re feeling is a natural response.
Strategy little actions for every day. Some of them you may tackle, others will remain just planned. Have things to do at all times: rent a movie, order a publication, arrange a little reunion with friends over drinks, decide what to cook for dinner… even if your times look completely full and overfilled, nevertheless plan ahead. A few of those plans you can design together with your loved one: talk about the details, discuss the options… as you would do under any other conditions.
There’ll be times when your mind and your spirit will request peace and quiet, for silence and inactivity. Have a Rest. Give yourself some minutes alone and do not feel guilty for taking them. Let your ideas and raw feelings rest somewhat. But be sure those times do not turn into self-punishment. If you believe your mind is beginning to go in circles round unanswerable questions , put a stop to it.
And lastly, let your loved one know that you’re there, that you’re the exact old you and that you are together in this. Sometimes, once the pain is large, we draw from our nearest and dearest as it is too much to bear. It is OK to show them that you’re sad or even mad, provided that you could also show them that you’re hopeful and which you cherish these moments together.
Life may be unbearably hard, you are right. And we should never pretend it is not. However, it’s our job to search for the little, good things around us to help people who are sick. Use these little pointers that will assist you go through your dark times.
Love life, yes, even under these terrible circumstances, enjoy the great moments in life,